The sun continues to rise....

Inspite of the grief we feel when we lose someone we love, the sun continues to rise, day after day, waiting on us to renew ourselves, like the new days the sun brings. Loss is a strange thing. It breaks us down, gets us a bit "strung out", but at the same time can center us, ground us in a way. It makes us appreciate what we have been blessed with and has us look, with new prespective, on what is right before us, that which we may, unfortunately, take for granted.

Sadness comes, sadness goes, but the loss is like a hole. Even "Little Dog" feels it. I see it in her too. I thank God that she's here with me, doing funny things to make me laugh, things to distract me. Yesterday, we had a beautiful day. It was 60 degrees most of the day. All the recent snow had melted. When I got home from feeding horses and running errands I thought, "I need to play with Syd in the back yard.. throw the frisbee around, have her jump through the who-lee-hoop....have some FUN." No sooner did I open the gate to the big yard then she caught sight of her next door girlfriend... and they were off!! Running the fence, frolicking away, when I realized the sound I was hearing... it was squishy... and wet... and ... "Oh my....." "Little Dog was completely covered in soft, silty, gushy mud. Like she'd been dipped in chocolate. I figured "what the heck", the damage was done, so I let her go at it for the next hour or so. When play time ended I had to hose her off BEFORE I brought her in for the bath. I kick myself for not taking a picture of her first "mud-ball" game. She looked fantastic!

This last week I found myself migrating to Nai-Nai's resting place, missing her, wanting her back. Then yesterday I went to the Black Hills Humane Society. Not because I wanted a kitten. I just wanted to be near some cats. I pet as many as I could touch, held the ones that were desperate for contact, loved on them, let them love on me, and met so many different personalities. I told my friend Gina on the phone today that I really wanted to find Nainey there, but she wasn't. I don't want just a cat, I want her, and she wasn't there. She will never be there. None can replace her. I know the day will again come when I am ready. When God delivers the little critter to me. When He sends the one I am to have, the one that needs me, and I will be ready to open that spot for the love.

So, today I am thankful for what I did get in my time with Nainey. For my wonderful husband, my darling dog, my healing horse... she just calms my spirit. I am grateful for the roof over my head, the warm bed I sleep in each night, the food that so many take for granted (me sometimes), the hot shower, the lofty snow of this morning, the radiant sun that replaced the snow, the love of my wonderful family and friends, who lift me up, support me, encourage me, take me out so I'm not alone at tough times, and love me unconditionally. When you sit down and list it... think about it... revel in it... how can you just be "content"? I am more than content. I am so blessed.

Post - Post day 1, after some comments on the blog....

I was watching one of my "tivo" shows and one character summarized exactly what we feel. The line went like this..."When you lose your parents, your an orphan. When you lose your spouse, you're a widow, or widower. But when you lose your baby? There's no word for it. There's no definition for who you become."I just pray that through our loss we turn the ashes to beauty, somehow, someway, that we become something better, because in all honesty, that is who "they" saw us to be. We are that person... we just might not know it yet.

"Oh................, Oh....................., the sun is shining, and I am here with You again.... Oh..........., Oh..........., a new day's dawning... and I can feel the hope again, the sun is shining."