The sun continues to rise....

Inspite of the grief we feel when we lose someone we love, the sun continues to rise, day after day, waiting on us to renew ourselves, like the new days the sun brings. Loss is a strange thing. It breaks us down, gets us a bit "strung out", but at the same time can center us, ground us in a way. It makes us appreciate what we have been blessed with and has us look, with new prespective, on what is right before us, that which we may, unfortunately, take for granted.

Sadness comes, sadness goes, but the loss is like a hole. Even "Little Dog" feels it. I see it in her too. I thank God that she's here with me, doing funny things to make me laugh, things to distract me. Yesterday, we had a beautiful day. It was 60 degrees most of the day. All the recent snow had melted. When I got home from feeding horses and running errands I thought, "I need to play with Syd in the back yard.. throw the frisbee around, have her jump through the who-lee-hoop....have some FUN." No sooner did I open the gate to the big yard then she caught sight of her next door girlfriend... and they were off!! Running the fence, frolicking away, when I realized the sound I was hearing... it was squishy... and wet... and ... "Oh my....." "Little Dog was completely covered in soft, silty, gushy mud. Like she'd been dipped in chocolate. I figured "what the heck", the damage was done, so I let her go at it for the next hour or so. When play time ended I had to hose her off BEFORE I brought her in for the bath. I kick myself for not taking a picture of her first "mud-ball" game. She looked fantastic!

This last week I found myself migrating to Nai-Nai's resting place, missing her, wanting her back. Then yesterday I went to the Black Hills Humane Society. Not because I wanted a kitten. I just wanted to be near some cats. I pet as many as I could touch, held the ones that were desperate for contact, loved on them, let them love on me, and met so many different personalities. I told my friend Gina on the phone today that I really wanted to find Nainey there, but she wasn't. I don't want just a cat, I want her, and she wasn't there. She will never be there. None can replace her. I know the day will again come when I am ready. When God delivers the little critter to me. When He sends the one I am to have, the one that needs me, and I will be ready to open that spot for the love.

So, today I am thankful for what I did get in my time with Nainey. For my wonderful husband, my darling dog, my healing horse... she just calms my spirit. I am grateful for the roof over my head, the warm bed I sleep in each night, the food that so many take for granted (me sometimes), the hot shower, the lofty snow of this morning, the radiant sun that replaced the snow, the love of my wonderful family and friends, who lift me up, support me, encourage me, take me out so I'm not alone at tough times, and love me unconditionally. When you sit down and list it... think about it... revel in it... how can you just be "content"? I am more than content. I am so blessed.

Post - Post day 1, after some comments on the blog....

I was watching one of my "tivo" shows and one character summarized exactly what we feel. The line went like this..."When you lose your parents, your an orphan. When you lose your spouse, you're a widow, or widower. But when you lose your baby? There's no word for it. There's no definition for who you become."I just pray that through our loss we turn the ashes to beauty, somehow, someway, that we become something better, because in all honesty, that is who "they" saw us to be. We are that person... we just might not know it yet.

"Oh................, Oh....................., the sun is shining, and I am here with You again.... Oh..........., Oh..........., a new day's dawning... and I can feel the hope again, the sun is shining."

A friend indeed.....

Last night, at 11:30, in the comfort of our bed, nestled next to me, Nainey crossed over. It was a very long and sad week watching my friend, my beautiful little black flower, wither. I wanted to be with her when she went and God graciously allowed us that. Today we will put her to rest, under the pine Christmas tree in our back yard.

It doesn't matter if you have two years, two weeks, two days or two minutes when one that you love is dying. I believe death is most painful for those who are the bystanders, not the participants. Those who are left behind, holding the memories, and the joy, and the loss. Yesterday my mind put my heart at peace. In my struggle I thought to myself, only a fool would forgo the love for the fear of the loss. A fool I am not. She made my life richer, full of great stories, great memories, great love.

We met on Wednesday, June 24th, 1998. She was a part of a litter of kittens that was born behind a nutrition company that I worked for in Santa Ana. Unbeknownst to me, several of the staff were worried that these kittens were going to get hit by the train that passed behind the building so they tried to "capture" them. Only two were so fortunate. I was introduced to her while she was in the bathroom. Our first of many great stories.

My boss was out of town in Hawaii and the Orange County Health Inspector decided to show up unannounced. Being the Office Manager it was my duty to give her a tour of the facilities and let her test the water in each of the bathrooms, of which there were five. As we approached the last bathroom, Cashelle, one of the "rescue" employees, threw herself in front of the door and said "You can't go in this bathroom." I explained who was with me and that she had to go into the bathroom to test the water. Then, Cashelle blurted out in a rushed and run-on sentence, "There is a cat in there, that we rescued from the railroad out back and the ASPCA is coming to get her." Of course, the gravity of her confession, at that moment, forced me to decide.... what to do? I looked at the Health Inspector and said, "Would you excuse me for one moment?" Turned back to Cashelle and said, "Maybe you didn't hear who is with me today, Cashelle, she's the HEALTH INSPECTOR. What is a cat doing in the bathroom!!! Today of all days????" Cashelle nervously explained everything to us as the inspector tried her best not to laugh. She graciously touched my arm and said, "Obviously you don't always have cats in your office, I can check that bathroom when I come back next month for the re-inspect."

Later that day, when the ASPCA didn't show up, I went to the cat rescue group and asked what their "real" plan was. "Well, Jack said he would take the gray male, and we figured since you're allowed to have cats at your apartment, and already have two, what trouble could one more be? Besides, you love cats. You're the crazy cat lady." Being cornerd I decided to take her until we all cound find a home for her. I knew some people, they knew some people, yadda, yadda....Well she became my "accidental cat". While we were looking for a home for her, she found one for herself, and honestly, I couldn't be happier with her choice.

So we started out great, and she taught us and the other cats so much. Here are just a few of the Nainey lessons we learned.
-Me - "You can lock a small kitten in a glassed in tub, close the bathroom door and leave for work and she will still find a way to escape them all." She was a houdini cat.
-Rick - "I don't care if you don't want me to sit on your lap. It's the best seat in the house, and I deserve the best." She loved her daddy.
-Boo-Boo (aka Rex) - "You can treat me like you are the Alpha Cat but I'm gonna love on you anyway, even if it has to be when you're not feeling well."
-Toby, our GIANT, white, male cat who outweighed Nainey by 18 pounds - "Listen big guy, you mess with Sammy, you mess with me. Never underestimate the attitude of a little cat." She would smack Toby around when he wasn't acting like a gentleman.
-Sammy, our other kitty - "I love you, I love you, I love you. You are my Ying, I am your Yang." The feeling was mutual between them both. She grieved the loss of Sammy a year and a half ago. She was a bit heartbroken ever since. They were definitely two halves of a whole. Now they're together again.
-Syd, our Australian Shepherd - "I really don't care how badly you want to be my friend. I don't like you. Except when there is a thunderstorm, then I will be your friend. You see, I'm a bad-weather friend, not a fair-weathered one."

She and I had a closeness I can't explain. I will miss her greatly and thank God for her always.

So good night my little friend. You were such a great cat. I will forever miss your deep eyes, precious eyelashes, little nose, soft, tiny padded feet, your velvety fur, and your special love. Say hi to all the kids for us. I'll see you in the back right corner.

I want to get away... get away....

It's time for a break. It's time for Joey to sit in the corner for "time-out". Our little kitty is dying, work is abundant (it's a good thing in these times), I've been sick for a month, can't ride my pony.... not sleeping well... Okay... I'll just shut up and get out of town.

Gonna jump on a plane to go see the Jumpin Dolphin - Doesn't the picture look like a dolphin jumping outta the water? Well... kinda looks like a shark too, doesn't it????

Adios Amigos.... will write when I return.... In March... I may write before then.... but I may not.

Christmas Love

Today I read a friends blog post about love. She eloquently captured what it does to us... when we receive it, when we give it, when we experience it. How blessed are we all? For we are all very, very, very loved.

Her blog reminded me of a story about Christmas Love....as told by a mother.

"Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience. I had cut back on nonessential obligations - extensive card writing,endless baking, decorating, and even overspending. Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of Christmas.

My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an excitingseason for a six year old. For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's "Winter Pageant." Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday as "Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than fun, commercial entertainment songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer. So, when my son's class rose to sing, "Christmas Love," I was slightly taken aback by its bold title. Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy mittens, red sweaters, and bright snowcaps upon their heads. Those in the front row- center stage - held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song. As the class would sing "C is for Christmas," a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each child holding up their portion had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love." The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M" upside down - totally unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W". The youngsters in the audience snickered at this little one's mistake, but she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she stood tall, proudly holding her "W". Although many parents tried to shush the children, the giggling continued until the last letter was raised, when we all saw it together. A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen. In that instant, we understood the reason we were there, why wecelebrated the holiday in the first place, why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities. For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear: "C H R I S T W A S L O V E"

And, I believe, He still is. He gives us new days, the love of others, and everything to be thankful for. I continue to be amazed in His presence and humbled by His love. Have a very, Merry Christmas. We love you all.

Birthday Weekend In Bed...

It's been a chilly and windy birthday weekend for me so we decided to snuggle down and stay inside. I spent the weekend watching movies, reading birthday wishes on email and text messages, and enjoyed cooking up some faire. Ricky has been really sweet about letting me get away with puppy snuggle time. She's better than an electric blanket or hot water bottle. Just thought I'd share some photos.

Nainey is on the mend after being diagnosed with liver disease. I've been nurse Ratchet and although she seems to despise me while the medication treatments and force feedings are happening, she is acting like she is feeling much better. She still seeks out my pets, my lap, and always wants to be brushed.

Thanks to all for your love and BIG 40 wishes!!!! Hugs from South Da-cold-ta.

From 80 to 30 in 3 days...

The Banana Belt....

We were told the Black Hills are the "Banana Belt" of South Dakota. It never ceases to amaze me. We had warm weather last week, then last Friday night it snowed. The better part of the weekend was cold and frosty. This week we'll be back to slightly warmer weather and the snow that came is gone. By the way, I cannot take credit for the fantastic photo above. I found it online and when I saw it I felt it would relay this time of year very well. The fall leaves get wet and frosty.

Simple beauty is so underated (G knows what I am talking about). Simple things that grab you when you least expect it. For example, you hear a melodic sound from the sky only to look up and see these amazing zig-zag formations of hundreds of Canadian geese flying South, singing as they fly. The grass slowly turns from green to brown, the clouds lay low and hug the hills, and there are wild turkeys and deer everywhere. You start to turn on space heaters, pull out the cozy blankets, snuggle down with the puddy-tat and the pokey-pup. It becomes clear that the sun is coming up later as well as setting earlier sending everyone in to their warm, glowing homes for evenings of hot suppers, hot baths, good books and watching their favorite shows on TV. And when you remember to look up at night, it's there, shining like it did last year, in the same place... Orion's belt and sword, faithfully standing guard just like he did last fall. Aaahhhh.... I just love the way the world changes.... and stays the same.