Finding our own oasis - Shangri-La

I don't know what to say.... I LOVE... ADORE.... the snow. It is really, really, REALLY COLD here... It's so cold, even our fire pit is outta commission....but I still absolutely adore the beauty of winter. I can't explain it... but I love that Christmas really feels like Christmas. I went to a kids holiday pagent the other day, and the kids were adorable. Goofy stage antics, pigtails, plaid dresses and skirts. I don't think any one child was in any sort of "designer" clothing.... they reminded me of the when I was in my school pagent.

It snowed the last few days so inevitiably I had to take the Trailblazer into the cul-de-sac and do DONUTS.... it was a gas! I went for a drive and took some pix, grained the ponies, basically, enjoyed the view. When you sit back, take a deep breath of fresh, cold, clean South Dakota air, you basically take it in and think.... "Shit, it is REALLY COLD here!"

Anyway.... we're bundled up in down..... enjoying the heat of our jacuzzi... and thanking our glorious, visible, winter stars above.....

Don't you just love the family fotog?????

It happens to all of us... eventually....the silly desire to send the family photograph to all our friends and family, showing what a handsome family we have. Of course, it's always the "young" children that throw a wrench in the operation. Wiggly and fussy... constantly drawing attention to themselves until you literally have to smack them on the ass and make them "shape up or ship out!" Fortunately, for me, today, smacking your horse on it's ass isn't a crime.

The Bible warned, "Spare the rod, spoil the child." Well, my girls know about "rods". Don't worry... whenever I HAVE to use them I chide..."Be as gentle as possible but as firm as necessary... gentle as possible... firm AS NECESSARY..." They are BIG animals, even lil Bella... she weighs in more than TWICE what I weigh (we're not going there....) even more than twice what Rick weighs.... and she is only, like 7 months old! Anyhow... Rick decided this was OUR year to send the family holiday photo card.

So, last week I got a coupon for a great deal and knowing he wanted to do this, I sent him the link to the info. He scheduled a photo shoot for us with our friend. Ricks original, artistic concept was one which included he and I, the two dogs, and the horses.... until I said, "No, that's not going to happen, well not without an ambulance being involved." Bella is just barely halter broke... I had visions of introducing Syd (Yikes!) and Chica to her.... and I just saw kicking, bucking, Rick laying on the ground, bruises, possibly a broken femur.... My voice of reason kicked in and said, "You need to choose... dogs or horses." He said, "I want both." So, we had to think out of the box. Well, at least outside the boundaries of the photo.

Needless to say, it all worked out in the end and we have successfully ordered up the "Family Holiday Cards". You can all anxiously await your arrival in your mailbox sometime in mid December. And no.... we didn't use these photos.

Happy Pasture Pals....

We all hit a place where we have to let go. We think, "No, I'm not ready... she's not ready... what if something goes wrong?" But we have to cut the umbilical cord, untie the apron strings, put on our "big-girl panties" and basically, suck it up. Today was my day. I wasn't planning on doing it but the moment hit when Bella did everything she was suppose to, which then prompted me to "suck it up", "bite the bullet", and accept that it WAS time to let her run free with the big horses. So, sorry it's not a great video, but as I was leaving the house to see how Bella was doing running through the trees, my sister called and insisted... TAKE VIDEO... Enjoy. I always do.

You'll kiss me too?

Lace and her boys are always wanting kisses from me... but today I had a surprise.......

Sometimes I think about how wonderfully crazy life is. We think, plan, plot, and dream about what we want in life, or shall I say, what we've been taught to strive for. More and more we find ourselves in awe at where we are, how we got here, and how incredibly happy we are.

I told my sister, that day when we were running around that field, trying to catch a wild filly, "Jen, if five years ago, someone would have told me that I would be running around a field with my sister, trying to catch my second horse and living the dream in South Dakota, I'd have told them they were crazy. And yet.. here we are."

Today, I had another thought like that. "If you would have told me that I would be standing in the snow, kissing and catching that wild filly, I'd tell you that you were nuts." Yet there I was again.... bowled over, blown away, wildly thankful that my weekends aren't filled with trips to the mall to buy more stuff I don't need to fill drawers and closets that are busting at their seams. Thankful that my weekend was filled with cleaning our house, relaxing with the dogs, watching the snow fall, making homemade meals, teaching a filly about trust, and having her teach me the same, and having a heart overflowing with gratitude at all that I am so blessed with. Never did I think, or truly believe, that when we had to leave an environment we could no longer afford, when I thought everything was being taken away, He was only cleaning the plate to bring on the main course. He has changed my thinking about so much.

In church I had a saying playing over and over, and OVER in my mind.

"God always gives the very best to those who leave the choice to Him."

I don't know who said it, and I don't believe it's in the Bible, and trust me, I know how incredibly hard it is to practice, but I know it's true. When you reach out to change the life of a person, an animal, or a friend, to a place that is truly past your comfort zone, and jump in to give or share love, God blesses it. I thought back to Nai-Nai, someone asked me to take her... I didn't want to, but I did. She was the best cat ever. When we heard that Syd was going to be killed because she was deaf, Rick said "No, we'll take her." She's the BOMB. When I couldn't find someone else's horse to play with and my friend Frank approached me about buying a horse from him, Rick agreed; I needed a horse of my own to play with. Lace is incredible for her age... wise beyond her years. When Chica knocked on my hearts door...and Rick said "Bring her home." I couldn't resist. Best little dog ever, a complete joy to be around. And now Bella.... My boss asked if I wanted to rescue a filly, again, God bless him, Rick said, "We can't afford pasture for 2 horses. You find a way around that and you can help her." She's teaching me about patience and trust, but most of all gentleness.

For those of you who were with us during the 8 month journey down the road less traveled you may have sensed my stress, lack of faith, and insecurity, which I am sure was, once again, my overwhelming fear to trust Him. Still... He does what He always does. He showed up. And I have learned He still shows up, everyday. And truly in the most incredible ways.

Yes, seriously!

Rick took this picture of our "Mexican" dog this morning before leaving for work. It's her first full day inside, unattended, with, well, you know, her Tazmanian sister, Syd. I'd have to say that we have crashed right into WINTER here in the great white North. Skipped right over fall...either that or we did a flashfoward thang-a-lang. Hopefully it will only be a temporary hickup on the weather radar and we will actually get to have fall, then in another month or two we can feel like Deja Vu. Well, the dogs are confused and the horses are all chilly and trembly since they have yet to get their winter coats. This should throw them into overdrive. To those of you having sunshine, eat your hearts out! We could actually go skiing. : ) Maybe we should go buy those "early-bird" season passes to Terry Peak.

Bella's in her new crib....

Well, where does one begin? A couple of weeks ago I was approached about a filly that had been abandoned by its owner. It was being boarded at a nearby ranch in Piedmont and according to the ranchowner, stall fees paid in full and haul her away. So, I spoke with Rick(God love my husband for putting up with me and my animal antics), and I spoke with Bill, the gentleman that owns the land where Lacy is, and told them her story. In Bills great kindness he said that he would provide the pasture if I wanted her. Little did I know what I was embarking on. She wasn't halterbroke, which meant that she has had little, if any, human hand contact. For a week I went out every day, basically just to "show-up" so she could see me over and over again, then my sister arrived and we began the "prepping" for travel day. Jen and I had a fantastic time working with this little filly, her yearling friend who my sister quickly named "Patches", and the old Surrogate Mare we all called "Mama". I thank God for my sissy coming, as she enjoys equines as much as I do, and she was happy as a clam to be running around a huge pasture after a horse we would never catch.

Considering my sister had named a horse that wasn't even hers I figured I'd better name this little filly. We ran through some names like, Java, Mocha, Karma, Ziggy, but when you looked at her she just kept comming up Bella.

Sunday, the wind was fierce, and it was the day we were suppose to load her up and take her the Ziegenbein Ranch, so it was quickly decided it wasn't going to happen that day. Jennifer, in her always optimistic attitude, said she still wanted to go out and "play" with the ponies. So we went. While we were there Brandon, the ranch owner, came out to talk with us and we decided that we might not load her up, but we should try to get her in a round pen so we could load more easily on Monday. Well, it took 2 buckets of grain, a lariat, a haltered yearling, a sprained thumb (Jennifers, not mine) and 3 hours to wrangle that lil filly into a roundpen. Jen did all the dangerous work, hence the sprained thumb, while Brandon and I gently pushed her toward Jen and the haltered yearly that we were using as bait. Finally, she bit and walked right into the pen with Jen, as we quickly closed in and closed the gate. We were all happy that the day held some degree of success considering our initial defeat with 50 mile per hour wind gusts.

Monday, Hannah (my friend and fellow horse boarder at Bills) met me out at Brandons with her horse trailer. We moved around the round pen a bit, set it up for loading into her trailer, and Hannah went right in and got it done! 5 minutes with the Scary Hannah was all it took until Bella jumped into the trailer. We arrived at the Ziegenbein Ranch with Bill waiting and Hannah gave Bella her booster shots, deworming paste, and out of the trailer she went to her new crib.

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were all about touching her. She is allowing me to come up to her on her right side, rub her neck, back, chin, legs, etc. and Friday night she let me brush her. Today we worked on her left side. She acted like she didn't even know who I was. It's a funny thing about horses. They have 2 brains... not literally.. but you'd think so. They have a left brain and a right brain, which most trainers like to refer to as "lefty" and "righty" because you have teach them everything from the left side and from the right side, their learning are completely apart from the other. So, after all my picture taking today, my great success with her was that she actually let me scratch her neck on the left side. It's baby steps BIG time. I keep reminding myself that Rome wasn't built in a day, and there is the fact that she is basically a petting pony, ground worker, etc. for at least the next 17 months. So, we have plenty of time.

I once heard a quote that I totally understood, as I have such an intense love for these four-legged, magical creatures. They could literally kill you, but when you have a relationship with them, they submit to you, and you begin to understand what real strength is.

"There's something about the outside of a horse, that's good for the inside of a man."

Winston Churchill

Life and Peace...

Where are all the people??????

We had the most wonderful holiday with our Canadian friends, Gina and Thom. They inspired us to camp, kayak, relax, eat, drink, and pray for the last 4 weekends. We've unplugged, hung out, chilled, toasted next to the fire, and enjoyed the beauty of the land we call home.

We have floated the lakes in Kayaks, finding peace on the water, peace in the lack of people, peace in the calming of the ever changing clouds that make a new view every 5 minutes, a view that doesn't involve a screen - sorry, it does involve a screen.... sunscreen.

We were having a grand time, until we had an "incident". Syd, our darling, high energy, deaf Outback - Austrailan Shepherd (her daddy was a dingo, we're sure), had a real "chimp attack" on Saturday afternoon. Rick was contemplating going fishing until I said a resounding.... No. Don't get me wrong.. I love Rick fishing because he catches FISH. Prior to him thinking about going something happened with Syd... He said "she freaked out... she must of gotten bit by something." So, we have lunch, feed the puppies, hang out a while as Rick decides whether to fish or not to fish....We're about 45 minutes from her "chimp attack" and I notice her left, upper lip severly swollen, and she is scratching at it like it's bothering her and I openly confirm, "Oh yeah, she got bit by something,... must be a bee sting." I wasn't bothered by the one side... although she kept messing with it, and, what I like to call "dirt diving", you know when a dog sniffs something it shouldn't and then desperately tries to remove the smell, sediment, powder, etc from their nostrils. They push and frollick, and dive and roll, and sneeze, etc. Well, I was okay until her OTHER lip started to swell and she began to look like "the Joker" from Batman. I realize that in the last month while we have camped I have always had 1) a vehicle to take her to a vet and 2) cell phone coverage to "phone a friend" for help. I suddenly had neither and a dog whose possibly having a severe allergic reaction to a bee sting. I told Rick, in no uncertain terms, no, he couldn't go fishing because we may need to go to the vet. He said he would go and speak with the camp host to see if they could get us a lan line to a vet. While he was gone, I prayed, and prayed, as I watched her little face grow, just having faith that her esophagus wasn't swelling and closing off her breathing. Rick came back with "Children's Benedryl" ... manna from heaven.... we gave her a bit, and within hours she was back to normal. It was humbling, praying for something so trite to some, yet so worrisome to others, the life of their dog. God put me in a place where I had to trust Him as all my "usual" resources were limited, something He is, nor has ever been.... limited. Two hours later we were back to normal.... naughty dog back, lips back to normal, chewing on her ever patient sister. All was once again well.

Looking in the same direction...

Have you ever had a friend, a really, really close friend that you where so close with that you constantly saw yourselves looking in the same direction. Yeah? Me too. I look at Syd and Chickey Monkey... they seem to love each other in some strange, accommodating way, and I see the love they have for each other, and the love that they look for. One wants to constantly play, with her friends, running around the yard, sleeping peacefully, sure that all her creature comforts, since the day she arrived, will be here for her, ready and waiting. The other, she, well, she's been in a different neighborhood most her life.... she watches the others run around the yard, she watches those who sleep peacefully, she watches those things that she's been blessed with, those creature comforts, as if they may not be there tomorrow.....she's not so secure as her little, white, frivolous, deaf friend. She balances everything.... She wonders if it will be there tomorrow.. the bowl of food, the fresh water, the love..... so each day to her... it's an amazing thing when it shows up, because if it didn't show up tomorrow... it wouldn't surprise her. She seizes the moment. She feels what she can for today. I know tomorrow, it will be there for her, but she doesn't, and that is sad for me, because it's what I want and try to give to her. She is just like her sister dog... very different, but in the very same boat... the boat of my love....that will always be there for her, for them.

You are my Strong Tower....

We all have that one thing.... that one person... that one being,..... alive or inanimate, that is our muse, our constant thought, it holds our hope, it holds our souls, it holds our hearts. It's our Strong Tower.

God knows that He is my Strong Tower. He is my Rock.

I have always loved rocks. I've loved how they feel, how solid they are, how natural, and beautiful, and unchanging they are. I love to slowly caress them, and I am never surprized at how cold they are on hot days, how hot they can be on cold days, and how ever smooth, inviting and comforting they are all the time. He's that way to me.

Think about the "worry stone". A tiny piece of comfort people would rub to take their worries away. Rocks remind me of all the things I love. They're solid, like my faith. They're natural and beautiful like my very closest friends. They're virtually unchanging.... only water, wind, and time, only the very most gentle things can slowly, and patiently, change them, much like myself. And, like my faith, my true friends, and who I am discovering I am in this earthly coccoon, I find great comfort in those few, precious things I can count on.

The best in life is free. The best things in life aren't things, their gentle spirits who dance with us on this magical earth, navigating the way to something far better than what fills buildings, stores, expectations, and dreams. The best in life shines light on you, gives you what you need to press on, rubs shoulders with you when you feel like you're going to fall down, and lifts your head to look up, when you've fallen and feel like all hope is gone. Love those who love you. Really love those who know no love, so they too may experience what only you have the power to give.

Love people, use stuff. Do you're best to never get those things turned around and you will find that the whole world might not be right, but your world will be.

Sometimes things go differently than we thought.....

The last year has been a rollercoaster to say the least... Financially, we all lost.... Emotionally... some of us lost... Spiritually, some of us grew because we lost.

Looking back.... I realize how blessed I have been, how blessed I AM, how great this life is, regardless of the peaks and valleys of every day. We are all truly blessed, regardless of the hurts, pains, sufferings, injustices, wrongs... we are all loved by Someone. All those things that feel like they're gonna kill us, somehow make us realize just who we are. And truly, how many times do we think something... life.. is going one way, when it changes in the most beautiful and wonderful way.... Looking back is good, but only for perspective, for clarity, for vision. Faith is what it's all about. Tomorrow will come.. with it's joys, it's beauty, it's sorrow, but in faith, we can know that we are blessed beyond what we deserve, graced with joys that overwhelm us,.. the thunder, the rain, the snow, the sun on our face... all for FREE. The "sad/bad" things in our lives are necessary, to help us enjoy more, live more, choose more. "What profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?" (ref: The Bible). " The more you embrace that thought, and realize the true joys of life, that you may be missing the "now" of your life... it's humbling.... it's real.

I think of Chica... a year ago she didn't know us, we didn't know her.... today... she's one of our precious jewels... better than riches, sweeter than spice... her life, gives life to us. Watching her walk on a leash like an "owned" dog brings us such joy.... her receiving her first "bed", and refusing to get off it was FANTASTIC and almost FREE... it cost $14.99 from Ross... but thank you God, and thank you Ross, and thank you Chica. It was priceless... and every night, to watch her sleep... is amazing. And of course, there's Syd... she's ALWAYS the bomb. Best dogs I've ever had.

But, through all the snow (and rumors of MORE snow through May) we we're able to watch our (very short) spring... and today.. WE HAD SUMMER... it finally arrived!!! In all honesty I would not have been so dismayed to have one more "snow-day" this year.... the hills are green, deer galore.. Lace and I took a rigoruous trail ride off property... She's the bomb.... we killed the hills...saw the vistas... and tried to keep up with Hannah and her Arabs. All is good. All is God. I am so very blessed, and happy. Those things I miss, I must release, for I shall see them and have them all another day...today... I shall have peace in knowing.

After the snow, the thaw, the surrender......

So, as you may be enjoying your Spring, and probably have been for weeks, we have been waiting for the snow to melt, the ground to become dry, the "Sping" to show up for the few weeks it will, before Summer sets in. Between the blizzards, travels, new family members, and everything else, I've been having "Horse Deprivation" Syndrome.

I have been trying to get someone to "babysit" me while I ride my young horse. She is a wonderful, solid, patient horse, but last August, on a windy day, she spooked, I fell, and my backside....well, my back, basically told me how old I am. Since then, I've been afraid of re-injuring my already injured back. I'm not afraid of my horse, just afraid of my "seat" and possibly falling again and being alone.

Well, I had a hard time getting anyone to commit to help me, so I had a talk with God. He said "pray believing", so I did. I said, "I can't wait any longer. I need her, she needs me, she's a great horse, please bless me and keeps us both safe." I committed to ride her on Sunday, whether someone was there or not. By Saturday night I had three people ready to babysit me for my first Spring ride. Hannah was the one. She was going to be there riding her horses after a trail ride.

Lacy was a DREAM. She remember everything I had taught her last year, and we did "scarry training" before I got on her. Horses have a hard time learning what is and isn't a "cougar" to them, everything scarry is a cougar. We rode, walked, trotted, cantered, had a grand time. She was the very respectful horse I've enjoyed. Needless to say, it was great to be back in the saddle again.

Bottom line... when you trust God, He always provides. You ask, you receive. You surrender and let go, He provides.

During the blizz

Chica and the man

After the Blizz

I went into work last Monday to pick up some work before the blizzard hit us. We spent the next day and a half hunkered down in our house. The funny thing is that Sunday before the blizzard it was a balmy 78 degrees at our house. Now, we had a gorgeous Saturday and Sunday morning and as I type, another Blizzard Watch is on until 6 pm tomorrow night. It may be another snow day for us tomorrow.

Here is some video of Chica and Syd playing in the yard after the last storm settled down. Chica's not quite sure what to make of the snow but she is adapting well.

Mr and Mrs Jernigan

I returned last Sunday from the Jernigan Wedding. It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon event filled with family, friends, love and lots of laughter and good times. The weather was perfect, the company good, and the air was filled with love and happiness. It was great to see family, watch the cooking, laughing, cleaning, cake baking, wine drinking, memory making, "big family" stuff we miss when we're away at our various homes. Brittany rode a rearing horse and a kicking horse, the guys put up a fence in record time, Andrew slept through most of the long weekend, we painted Mandy's (Jen's new Boston Terrier) toenails hot pink for the wedding day. Needless to say, we all ate too much, drank too much, Texas Two-Stepped too much (well maybe just enough) and just had a down-home ol good time. Here are some pictures of the event. I truly love the way Richard and Jennifer adore each other. May God bless them richly in their marriage.

From the moment we arrived .... it was as if she opened her loving arms and wrapped them around us... gently welcoming us into her care. I fell in love in a week... she's a mistress, one I want my husband to meet... one we shall visit throughout the years... me, for the memories I established with my wonderful friend Gina, him for the diving, people, food, relaxation, sheer beauty of beautiful, real people. Isla has so much to offer for those seeking true relaxation, and rejuvenation, true life.

I willingly woke up each day to find the early morning light, and have my time with God. The very first day He sent His four-legged angels my way... one of whom, took up residence, won my heart, and flew home with me. Isla Chica... Island Girl.

We had a wonderful time visiting Isla Animals (http://www.islaanimals.org/) and the puppies, eating the fantastic Mexican food (pictures to follow on future blogs), drinking the beer, eating the "oh-so-fresh" fish and mixto ceviche (craving it NOW), enjoying the walks into town, the beautiful children, the people, their kindness..... It's like a gift I just want to share with everyone I know. Here are a few more pix....I'll write more later....

A World Not Our Own.....

Friday, I'm running away from home. A very close friend and I are headed to Isla Mujeres, an island off the Cancun Coast, to do some soul searching, heart nurturing, and basically escape our worlds for a time. It's good to run away sometimes, so long as you're willing to come back, and face that which is sending you off.

The other day I realized I'm not much different than the little girl I was at age 6, or maybe it was 7. Something happened at home, something that made me mad, something I couldn't control. I decided to run away from home because I was mad. I was packing my backpack/sack, whatever it was, basically my bandanna filled with stuff, tied to my stick, flung over my shoulder. My mom, inquizically asked me where I was going, and I told her that I was running away from home. She calmly said "Did you pack something to eat?" Of course, I hadn't thought that far ahead and replied "No." She said, "Well, let me get you something so you don't get hungry." A spin on her heels and she was off to the kitchen. She returned with some food wrapped in foil, handed my "sustinance" to me, leaned down, gave me a hug and a kiss and said, "You know, we'll always be here for you when you change your mind."

Off I went. I decided to begin my journey down the trail that ran along a small creek behind our house. It trailed behind our neighbors homes toward the main road in our small, Ohio township. If I recall correctly, I got to about the Shennenberger's back yard, two houses down from ours, before I decided I was hungry. I sat down, opened the foil of food only to find my very favorite.... cinnamon-sugar graham crackers. YUM! I indulged myself with the goodness of them, gobbling them up and savoring all their sweetness. Finishing my "meal" I stood up, brushed the crumbs off my shorts, grabbed my stuff and headed further down the trail past two more houses when it occurred to me .... I wanted some more yummy graham crackers, so spun on my heels and headed home, to my mom, who was waiting at the kitchen table, with a glass of milk and the rest of the crackers.

My husband knows exactly how to love me, just like my mom did. He has blessed me by encouraging me to go, loving me enough to let me go, and sending me off with the yumminess of his love. So when I sit down on the island, and gobble up the gift of love he sent me off with, I know I will stand up, brush the sand off my shorts, look to heaven, and thank God for all that He blesses me with... and know that although this gift is a world not my own, I love and enjoy my world too, the greater gift; my home, and all that it holds, and has to offer.

The sun continues to rise....

Inspite of the grief we feel when we lose someone we love, the sun continues to rise, day after day, waiting on us to renew ourselves, like the new days the sun brings. Loss is a strange thing. It breaks us down, gets us a bit "strung out", but at the same time can center us, ground us in a way. It makes us appreciate what we have been blessed with and has us look, with new prespective, on what is right before us, that which we may, unfortunately, take for granted.

Sadness comes, sadness goes, but the loss is like a hole. Even "Little Dog" feels it. I see it in her too. I thank God that she's here with me, doing funny things to make me laugh, things to distract me. Yesterday, we had a beautiful day. It was 60 degrees most of the day. All the recent snow had melted. When I got home from feeding horses and running errands I thought, "I need to play with Syd in the back yard.. throw the frisbee around, have her jump through the who-lee-hoop....have some FUN." No sooner did I open the gate to the big yard then she caught sight of her next door girlfriend... and they were off!! Running the fence, frolicking away, when I realized the sound I was hearing... it was squishy... and wet... and ... "Oh my....." "Little Dog was completely covered in soft, silty, gushy mud. Like she'd been dipped in chocolate. I figured "what the heck", the damage was done, so I let her go at it for the next hour or so. When play time ended I had to hose her off BEFORE I brought her in for the bath. I kick myself for not taking a picture of her first "mud-ball" game. She looked fantastic!

This last week I found myself migrating to Nai-Nai's resting place, missing her, wanting her back. Then yesterday I went to the Black Hills Humane Society. Not because I wanted a kitten. I just wanted to be near some cats. I pet as many as I could touch, held the ones that were desperate for contact, loved on them, let them love on me, and met so many different personalities. I told my friend Gina on the phone today that I really wanted to find Nainey there, but she wasn't. I don't want just a cat, I want her, and she wasn't there. She will never be there. None can replace her. I know the day will again come when I am ready. When God delivers the little critter to me. When He sends the one I am to have, the one that needs me, and I will be ready to open that spot for the love.

So, today I am thankful for what I did get in my time with Nainey. For my wonderful husband, my darling dog, my healing horse... she just calms my spirit. I am grateful for the roof over my head, the warm bed I sleep in each night, the food that so many take for granted (me sometimes), the hot shower, the lofty snow of this morning, the radiant sun that replaced the snow, the love of my wonderful family and friends, who lift me up, support me, encourage me, take me out so I'm not alone at tough times, and love me unconditionally. When you sit down and list it... think about it... revel in it... how can you just be "content"? I am more than content. I am so blessed.

Post - Post day 1, after some comments on the blog....

I was watching one of my "tivo" shows and one character summarized exactly what we feel. The line went like this..."When you lose your parents, your an orphan. When you lose your spouse, you're a widow, or widower. But when you lose your baby? There's no word for it. There's no definition for who you become."I just pray that through our loss we turn the ashes to beauty, somehow, someway, that we become something better, because in all honesty, that is who "they" saw us to be. We are that person... we just might not know it yet.

"Oh................, Oh....................., the sun is shining, and I am here with You again.... Oh..........., Oh..........., a new day's dawning... and I can feel the hope again, the sun is shining."

A friend indeed.....

Last night, at 11:30, in the comfort of our bed, nestled next to me, Nainey crossed over. It was a very long and sad week watching my friend, my beautiful little black flower, wither. I wanted to be with her when she went and God graciously allowed us that. Today we will put her to rest, under the pine Christmas tree in our back yard.

It doesn't matter if you have two years, two weeks, two days or two minutes when one that you love is dying. I believe death is most painful for those who are the bystanders, not the participants. Those who are left behind, holding the memories, and the joy, and the loss. Yesterday my mind put my heart at peace. In my struggle I thought to myself, only a fool would forgo the love for the fear of the loss. A fool I am not. She made my life richer, full of great stories, great memories, great love.

We met on Wednesday, June 24th, 1998. She was a part of a litter of kittens that was born behind a nutrition company that I worked for in Santa Ana. Unbeknownst to me, several of the staff were worried that these kittens were going to get hit by the train that passed behind the building so they tried to "capture" them. Only two were so fortunate. I was introduced to her while she was in the bathroom. Our first of many great stories.

My boss was out of town in Hawaii and the Orange County Health Inspector decided to show up unannounced. Being the Office Manager it was my duty to give her a tour of the facilities and let her test the water in each of the bathrooms, of which there were five. As we approached the last bathroom, Cashelle, one of the "rescue" employees, threw herself in front of the door and said "You can't go in this bathroom." I explained who was with me and that she had to go into the bathroom to test the water. Then, Cashelle blurted out in a rushed and run-on sentence, "There is a cat in there, that we rescued from the railroad out back and the ASPCA is coming to get her." Of course, the gravity of her confession, at that moment, forced me to decide.... what to do? I looked at the Health Inspector and said, "Would you excuse me for one moment?" Turned back to Cashelle and said, "Maybe you didn't hear who is with me today, Cashelle, she's the HEALTH INSPECTOR. What is a cat doing in the bathroom!!! Today of all days????" Cashelle nervously explained everything to us as the inspector tried her best not to laugh. She graciously touched my arm and said, "Obviously you don't always have cats in your office, I can check that bathroom when I come back next month for the re-inspect."

Later that day, when the ASPCA didn't show up, I went to the cat rescue group and asked what their "real" plan was. "Well, Jack said he would take the gray male, and we figured since you're allowed to have cats at your apartment, and already have two, what trouble could one more be? Besides, you love cats. You're the crazy cat lady." Being cornerd I decided to take her until we all cound find a home for her. I knew some people, they knew some people, yadda, yadda....Well she became my "accidental cat". While we were looking for a home for her, she found one for herself, and honestly, I couldn't be happier with her choice.

So we started out great, and she taught us and the other cats so much. Here are just a few of the Nainey lessons we learned.
-Me - "You can lock a small kitten in a glassed in tub, close the bathroom door and leave for work and she will still find a way to escape them all." She was a houdini cat.
-Rick - "I don't care if you don't want me to sit on your lap. It's the best seat in the house, and I deserve the best." She loved her daddy.
-Boo-Boo (aka Rex) - "You can treat me like you are the Alpha Cat but I'm gonna love on you anyway, even if it has to be when you're not feeling well."
-Toby, our GIANT, white, male cat who outweighed Nainey by 18 pounds - "Listen big guy, you mess with Sammy, you mess with me. Never underestimate the attitude of a little cat." She would smack Toby around when he wasn't acting like a gentleman.
-Sammy, our other kitty - "I love you, I love you, I love you. You are my Ying, I am your Yang." The feeling was mutual between them both. She grieved the loss of Sammy a year and a half ago. She was a bit heartbroken ever since. They were definitely two halves of a whole. Now they're together again.
-Syd, our Australian Shepherd - "I really don't care how badly you want to be my friend. I don't like you. Except when there is a thunderstorm, then I will be your friend. You see, I'm a bad-weather friend, not a fair-weathered one."

She and I had a closeness I can't explain. I will miss her greatly and thank God for her always.

So good night my little friend. You were such a great cat. I will forever miss your deep eyes, precious eyelashes, little nose, soft, tiny padded feet, your velvety fur, and your special love. Say hi to all the kids for us. I'll see you in the back right corner.

I want to get away... get away....

It's time for a break. It's time for Joey to sit in the corner for "time-out". Our little kitty is dying, work is abundant (it's a good thing in these times), I've been sick for a month, can't ride my pony.... not sleeping well... Okay... I'll just shut up and get out of town.

Gonna jump on a plane to go see the Jumpin Dolphin - Doesn't the picture look like a dolphin jumping outta the water? Well... kinda looks like a shark too, doesn't it????

Adios Amigos.... will write when I return.... In March... I may write before then.... but I may not.